New Year Resolutions

Oh lookie here.
2010 is nearly over. How time flies.
I'm starting to feel asphyxiated.
Why you ask?
No, I'm not going to die. Not yet at least.

Okay, I lied of being asphyxiated. Sorry about that.

So why did I feel asphyxiated but actually I just lied?
Because, the donkey told

the Gila monster that he liked the Gila monster.
So the Gila monster ate the donkey and gave birth to a...

penguin. Yes, that thing above is a penguin.

The Gila monster is real. No lie. I'm serious here.
Go research about it.

Now, for the real reason. I'm scared of the new year.
I haven't finish my homework.
You know why?
Because I love to procrastinate. I work better under pressure.
Everyone does. :D
So, have you guys done your homework?
So what if you did? Hmph. >:/

So we come down to the main topic.
New Year Resolutions.
Have you got your list ready?
No? Good. New year resolutions never do work out anyway.

Huh? My new year resolutions?
Calvin here will answer for me.

Yes, I don't need new year resolutions.
Okay, another lie.
Maybe I should start now.

ASHLEY'S NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

1. Be a better person.

2. Stop caring what people think. It's a waste of time.
3. Be nice to everyone. At least try.
4. Do better in school. Who doesn't want that?
5. Exercise! Hell, I don't get enough of those.
6. Try to be more happy.

8. Procrastinate less.
9. Use condoms.
10. Pronounce persimmons properly.
11. Save unicorns. Because I can't seem to find one.

Yes. I'm going to take care of a unicorn. Just like that.
12. Learn to take a compliment. Even if it isn't the one I wanted to hear.
13. Love myself more.
because

So yes, to you all out there, love yourself :D
14. Swear less. Swearing is not cool.
15. Stop worrying about random crap.
16. Kill Simran. Not really. She's my best friend :B
17. Try to cut down on yaoi. It's not healthy.

Exactly, why I should stop.

Okay. That's it. I guess.
Hehe.

So, everyone usually waits till New Years to change over a new leaf.
But they usually end up like

that.

You don't want to be like that.
You want to be someone,
someone who can actually achieve all their resolutions,
someone who is determine to change,
someone like this

maybe not someone like that.

The thing is,
you don't need to wait till it's new year's so
you can carry out your resolutions.
Start anytime!
You can start 3am in the morning
on the 4th of July.
Nobody is going to stop you.
Unless you're a hobo.

Like this one here.

Honestly, you gotta pity this one:

Maybe not.

So, yeah.
That's it.
Merry Christmas and have a happy new year :D
Oh, and by the way, if you're a September kid,
you're parents most likely had "sexy time"
on New Year's eve. ;)

Prom

What is prom?
1. Parental-advised prostitution.
2. Legalized prostitution taken to the extreme.
3. To students: an excuse for horny young teenagers to get together for a night of drinking, fornication, promiscuity.
To business: a cooperate/controlled promoted high-school "institution" that makes dress shops, florists, hairdressers, limo companies, suit-rental places, etc. more wealthy.

Isn't it true? ;D

Every girl, dreams about prom.
Every guy, dreads about prom.
Simple.

To-do list for girls
1. Get a date. If date isn't available, snatch a random guy.

2. Get hair done, and chat with girl friends about your prom dress.

3. Get prom dress with girl friends and compare.
4. Compare dates with girl friends. Bitch about how awesome your date is even though its not.
5. Get make up done right.
6. Get ready, wait in room until date is in the house.
7. Wait a little longer, so date is able to talk to your parents about what he's going to do with you.
8. After 5 minutes, walk down the stairs SLOWLY. Make him look at you.
9. Take his hand, smile.
10. Pose for picture.
That's all!

To-do list for boys
1. Ask a girl to prom. If no girl is available, call a hooker. You failed your life if you can't get a date.
*Read the following only if you are able to get a date*
2. Buy/rent/steal a suit. It has to be the FANCY one.
3. Talk to guy friends about your date and how clueless you are.
4. Try to groom yourself properly.
5. Go to the florist and get a corsage for date.
6. Buy breath mints, just in case.
7. Condoms, just in case you get lucky. (At this stage, you should have a higher chance of getting laid)
8. Buy/rent/steal a limo. If you are stealing, do it in advance and do it GTA style.
9. Man-up when talking to date's parents. Do not tell/show them your "true" intentions of what you are going to do with her.
10. Watch her come down the stairs.
11. Pose for picture.
That's it!

Ideas for people-who-can't-get-a-date-for-prom-because-they-are-all-losers-in-life
1. Get ice-cream, eat, watch tv, cry.
2. Cut yourself.
3. Call hookers.
4. Invite people-who-can't-get-a-date-for-prom-because-they-are-all-losers-in-life, and hold a mini prom at your place.
5. Watch Prom Night and laugh.
6. Have a one-night stand with your neighbor's hott daughter/son.
7. Go trick-or-treating like a retard.
8. Get drunk, spend a night with a hobo.
9. Rob some houses.
10.Be a pedophile.
11. Pretend you are Ash, Misty or Brock and play Pokemon with people-who-can't-get-a-date-for-prom-because-they-are-all-losers-in-life.
12. Crash the prom dressed as a policeman.
13. Run naked in your neighborhood and get arrested.
14. Rape somebody in a drain.
15. Join the circus.
16. Commit suicide.
17. Go to Las Vegas, get married, and gamble your life away.
18. Get STDs.
19. Sneak into your friend who has went to prom's house, mess his/her bed up, throw used condoms around and spray lub everywhere. Make loud moaning noises. Escape.
20. Hunt for the Boogeyman.

As you can see, the third list is the longest so
I recommend you to not go to the prom.
(I'm not calling you a loser,
then again, maybe I am)

So, the rest of you
would be all hyped up about
PROM.

Maybe not that way.
But, in a ARGH
you get what I mean.

I'm kinda sorry, cause well
this post is kinda boring and stuff.
Unlike the asian parent one.
So yeah. Sorry.

I've been looking at the
picture above for quite a while.
So, I should tell you more about this
movie called Prom Night.
My lovely friends from Tenby
9N should know about the movie ;D

Prom Night is basically
about prom. Duh.
So, like these bunch of horny teenagers
went to prom.
A killer was there.
He killed the black girl.

See. She bloody dies.
The black girl bloody dies!
Alliteration! (Y)
But, wait!
before you think I'm some racist turd,
the white girl dies too!

See! Well not this one.
It's another one, but I can't find her.
Sorry.
Guys remember,
Racism is not cool,
unless you hate everyone equally.

Uh. What else is there to know about prom?
How about this:
How to know you are not pregnant after prom?

- you have your regular period/shark week.
- you did not wake up naked in bed.
- there is a used condom in your room if you woke up naked.
- you do not vomit so often.
- you do not seem to grow fat like a pregnant woman (I'm not saying all pregnant women are fat)
- you do not have cravings for polar bears or any other food.

- you still feel horny.
- you just wanna have more sex.

Or to make this simple,
just go for a health check.

GAH.
If you do have a baby,
keep it!
Don't throw it away! D:
Keep it, and eat it :D
Nah, just joking.
Seriously,
keep it, but don't eat it.

Crazy woman.

Abandoning babies isn't cool
nor eating them is.
So don't do that.

I don't really know what

eating babies have to do at
prom.

I still don't.

Final summation,
go to prom, try not to

get pregnant, have a baby,
keep it.

:D

The Supernatural!

WOOOOOO~
Did I sound like a ghost?
Probably not.

Fail. Ashley. Fail.

Okay. So down to business.

Boo! Did I scare you.

I doubt so.

Anyway, the picture is from the movie The Exorcist.

It's suppose to be so scary it'll make your head spin.

I highly doubt that.

Okay. So to you folks out that

who like ghosts or are fascinated by them

or had sex with them or are in a relationship with them

or just love them, or just feel really horny,

you'll enjoy this post.

No wait. The last point doesn't count.

Ghosts, poltergeist, spirits,

Casper, Barney, Justin Bieber.

These are all some sort of ghost.

Okay, I think that's a clown.

Shit. Imma have nightmares now.

ARGH.

So, do you believe in ghosts?

Well, my opinion is that

you don't really know unless your dead.

But once you're dead, you'd wanna try to contact with the living

telling them you exist.

Yet, scientist call people who sees ghosts as psychos

they are just people with a brain disorder.

We'll just wait till the ghosts

eat their brains.

That'll be good.

Reasons why ghosts do exist:

Scientists and Ghost Busters have carried out experiments.

• Ghosts are like God. I'm not saying God is a ghost.
  I'm just saying that you can't see, touch, hear, taste, smell God.
  You can't just say ghosts don't exist if you can't
  see, hear, touch, taste, smell ghosts.
• So many sightings have been made from
  all around the world. Every religion
  believes in some form of ghost. So yeah.
• Scientists and Ghost Busters have carried out experiments.
  Using their so called reliable, scientific machines,
  they can detect a sudden drop of temperature
  or the door slamming but there isn't a breeze.
  
  
  This is what happens when you don't believe in ghosts.

Reasons why ghosts do not exist:

• Parents tell kids ghosts stories so they'll shut up.
  When I was little, my mum used to tell me that
  if there is a thunderstorm, don't scream,
  or else the thunderstorm ghost will
  tear my mouth. What. A. Lie.
  Only now, I realized there is no such thing
  as a Thunderstorm ghost. WTF.
• Hollywood. They screw things up.
  Including people's mind.
  They make people think
  things that don't even exist.
• LOCATION! Honestly,
  if you were a ghost,
  would you rather live in an old,
  broken, dusty suppose-to-be
  haunted mansion on the top of some freaky hill or
  a nice penthouse with a large Plasma TV equipped with
  cable and a super pool?
  Ghosts are so stereotypical and over-rated.
  
  Whether ghosts do exist or not, its up to you
  Ultimately la.
  
  
  
  SHit. I can't seem to get the thingy right )':
  Okay down to business.
  
  Did you know, dogs can see ghost?
  So you wanna be a dog?
  or
  you can see ghosts if you bend down and look through your legs!
  I do not recommend that during the
  Hungry Ghost Festival.
  Just saying.
  or
  you can rub dog spit on to your eyes,
  and you'll be able to see them too.
  Wanna try it?
  To cut things short,
  just watch this chinese movie called The Eye 10.
  It shows you 10 ways to see ghosts.
  It's really nice and entertaining.
  
  I am currently watching this 1980s movie called Poltergeist
  directed by Steven Speilberg. I think that's how you spell his name.
  So, this is where I stop.
  
  Do not let Hollywood ROT your mind :D

Asian Parents.

"Spare the rod and spoil the child"

Ever heard that phrase before?

Bet you do.

What comes to your mind when you

see that phrase?

To me its,

Asian parents. What do you think of them?
Fierce? Controlling? Dictator-y?

No matter what your views and opinions are,
they still are our parents.
Loving or not.

Wait, what? You're not asian? So you don't have an asian parent?
Asian parents aren't just your normal everyday white/black parents.
THEY ARE ASIAN. Meaning to say, you have to be perfect.
Perfect in everything.(except sports, they don't give a damn about your
social life or sports life it's just your studies they give a damn about)

Especially, in maths and science or else they'll
think there's something is wrong with you.
They expect you to be good at everything.
When I say everything. It is everything.
Take a look at this:

See?!

And if you think that's bad. Eh, wait. Is my font different?
I think it is. I don't know how to change it!
OMFG. This is like the end of my pretty-all-same-font-looking
blog!
Okay who cares? Back to the topic.

And when you like disobey them bad things happen.
Very very bad things happen.
Every asian kid has been forcefully "abandoned"
by they're parents before.
Example scenario:

Kid: But MUM! I WANT IT!
*Mum's expression*

Mum: No.
Kid: PLEASEEE? PLEASEEE?
Mum: No.
*Pulls kid*
*Kid refuses*
Mum(shouts): Fine! You know what? I'll leave you here!
*Leaves kid*
*Kid cries very loudly in public*
*Public does'nt give a shit cuz they do the same to their own kids*
how sad. In fact, some will taunt the kid, telling him
he's been a bad boy, and now he's mummy is leaving him
all alone and now someone is gonna rape him.
Okay, I was kidding about the rape part.
*Kid still cries*
*Mum hides somewhere to see kid suffer*
*After she thinks Kid has suffered enough, she goes back and
takes kid*

THE END.
So what do you think?

That scenario is for a kid. Now,
let's say, the kid grew up into a teenager.
Teenager: Dad, may I please go to a sleepover?
Dad's expression

Yea. Sad isn't it?

They always assume things.

ARGH.

Studies? Well, asian parents are all for it!
If you get like an D or F, they'll beat you and belt you.
First, you go home and like tell your parents straight.
They'll start with the lecture
just as you think it's gonna lighten up,
BAM!
it hits you hard.
They get too angry,

Mum will be holding her ultimate weapon, the ROTAN/RATTAN/CANE whatever you call it
and Dad will be armed with his mighty belt.
Then, they proceed to beat the crap outta you.
No matter how loud you scream, nobody is gonna help you.
You are done for.

To you white kids, who think they neighbor will hear your screams

and call the Children's Aid Organization, think again.
In Asian countries, neighbors do the same to

their own kids. Nobody wants to tattle-tale on

each other now do they?
So they "pakat" together and form some alliance.
Back to the beatings,
in the amidst of all the pain, cries and tears,

sometimes parents think it's not enough

and beat even harder.
Honestly, in my opinion,

it's like some sort of abusive form of sex.
Hey, it's just my opinion.
I bet they enjoy it.

Ew.

Now, I shall go on more about before

of how they beat you.

I'm not sure if that sentence makes any sense.
Sorry.

For example:

If I got into deep shit trouble,

and mum knows about it,

she tends to say

ooooo, somebody is gonna get it.

I mean C'mon!
We both clearly know that I'm the damn victim!
Why go through the trouble of saying

Somebody is gonna get it.

Unless, well you're referring to another person.

SHHHEEEHS.

Or when she says

Do you want to eat the rotan?!

WTF. What kind of kid in the right mind,

would want to eat a freakin stick?!

If I say no, she'll scream "bo ka si"(no manners) and whack me.

If I say yes, she'll scream GOOD! and whack me.

If I say nothing at all, she'll scream ANSWER ME! and whack me.

If I try to run away, she'll chase me with the rotan and knife then whack me.

If I try to tell daddy, she'll grab me, pin me down, slap me, then whack me.

If I try to call the child protection org, she'll threaten me then whack me.

If I scream, she'll just go ahead and whack me.

If I beg her for mercy, she'll scream and whack me.

So, as you can see from the above,

no matter what I do,

the result is,

I'll always get whacked in the end.

So what I advise is,

just die.

Nah, I'm just joking.

Seriously, don't die.

Anyway,

if you want to avoid your

dad from becoming this:

then I think it's best if you become

this:

Yesseri BOB!

You'll have to be like that thing, to be the

"perfect" asian kid.

nah, I'm just joking.

Well, I think this is like what? The longest post like ever!

So, now it's time to wrap things up.

What ever criticisms I gave about asian parents,

they're all a joke.

Yes, they are like that.

Yes, its true.

Yes, I know not all asian kid likes it.

But who cares?

They're doing this to make their lives easier

and our future lives easier

but drilling all the disciplines,

all the work,

all the best,

they can ever give to us.

They may seem harsh,

but I'm sure deep deep

deep deep deep

deep deep deep

deep deep deep

down,

they love us very much.

So, love your parents, whether they're

asian or not! :D

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Forbidden Love

Love that lasts the longest is the love that can never be.

Well, who agrees with that?
Forbidden love has always been in society,

since the very start of time I suppose.
Ranging from Shakespearean time to today's modern world.

Being in a forbidden love relationship, kinda sucks,

Really bad, No lie.

Take Romeo and Juliet for example

Romeo and Juliet are caught in a world

that rips apart their souls (ouch!) in its assault
against the only thing they think is worth living for.

To cut things short, they both died. But they died together.
Does it make the atmosphere slightly happier?
maybe not. Fail Ashley. Fail.

Their death has captivated audiences

for over 400 years as it speaks to the

common question:

“What might have been?”

Yes. Interesting question.

What might have been if Romeo and Juliet's parents
accepted their love, and they both lived a happy life?
Answer: It would have been a very boring story.

However, Romeo and Juliet may be just a work of fiction
by a creepy dude, forbidden love exists and

is still alive today.

People are often forced into marriages
because of their parents.
How stressing is that?

Marrying someone you barely know. Or worse,
HATE.
How depressing.

Parents always think they know what's best for us.
But, it is our life.

We have every single right to choose who we love.

Love, is not something that can be seen

but felt.

Love gives out that warm fuzzy feeling
that makes you feel safe and secure.

Knowing deep down that your feelings

for that special someone is the same as the

special someone has for you.

Now, that you know how love feels like.
Imagine that love for that special someone

has to be kept a secret

due to parent's objection.

How sucky is that?

Of course the only way isn't to enlope
or to die jeez, Romeo and Juliet sure screws up minds.

You can always try to reason out

with your parents.
No guarantees.

My own experience.

I am currently in a kinda forbidden love.

My darling boyfriend. kah lok and i.

My parents are totally against it

as they want me to concentrate on my studies.

What if I can juggle both my relationship and studies?
But noooo...
I am currently still fighting this losing battle.

Advice: Don't be like Romeo and Juliet, there is always away for true love.
Tue Love conquers all :D

Disney Classics

I feel that I should post something Disney-ish today.

So here goes.

Remember about how Disney was everything?
The cartoons, the Princesses, Mickey Mouse bla bla bla...
Nostalgic isn't it?

Ah... good times...

Okay back to the topic.
I remember watching Disney Princesses movies since like forever?

I've always fancied Ariel from The Little Mermaid, cause she starts with the letter A.

HAHAHA. What a fail I am.

Anyway, I also like Mulan (I'm not sure if she's a princess or not) cause I think she's awesome

When we were in pre-school, we'd go on endlessly talking about princesses

and Barbie dolls. Oh, the fun we had.

And I remember I was bullied like crap cause I didn't know how

stand up for myself. It was terrible.

Then when I was six, I was kinda like in a bitchy clique.

We'd tease other girls and stuff.
I feel bad now.

There I was being perasan again.
Hey, this is my blog! HAHAHAHAHA...

Back to the topic. I think Disney Princesses have come a long way.
From Beauty and The Beast and the coming soon Rapunzel.
However, I think that those Disney movies which came out in the 1990s
are much better than the latest ones like The Princess and the Frog.

Classics are always better.

HEHE my wish, I wish my darling boyfriend and I will have
a Little Mermaid happy ending :)
Why Little Mermaid you ask?
It's because her love for Eric was kinda like forbidden?
But of course, all's well that ends well (or something like that)
or its just a typical Disney movie I guess.

My first blog entry which went totally off topic

Well, I started out this blog to try out how it feels like to have a blog i guess.

I never really got around to it, as I don't quite like the idea of people reading my diary.

Then again, who does? However, I think keeping a blog may be helpful to me one day.

I'll be waiting for that day. Still am.

Anyway, I think keeping this blog would be easier than a written diary.

Partly, cause I'm either too lazy or not bothered or perhaps both. :P

So, above was my intro. The end.

Now, to the boring what I did today shit.

Year 10, isn't the Oh-I'm-Old-Enough-For-Prom shit. It's the Owh-Shit-IGCSE shit.

Teachers are currently piling us up with tons of homework.

Well we all can't blame the teachers now, can we?

They're doing all this for our sakes. How nice of them.

My school, apparently has a special "club" called the HOMEWORK club for poor students who have no transport back until 3.40. This apparently sucks.

So, I came up with this well plotted plan to get away from homework club.

I got away with it. Oh the joy.

Speaking of joy.

What makes people happy?

Happy comes in many forms:

Money

Love

Sex

Expensive Things

Experiences

Presents

Food

Personal items

and of course many other forms.

But what does it make you live for actually?

Some live for food.

Some live for the adventure.

Some live for love.

Some live thrill.

But honestly, why so serious?

Why take life so seriously? No one comes out alive anyway.

You wanna eat that calorie filled burger? Go ahead!

You wanna see whats on the other side? Find out!

You wanna love someone but others restrict you? True love always finds a way *wink wink*

You wanna go bungee jumping? I recommend it!

Well I'm not sure what all the above has to do with my day.

So I think I've typed enough so yeah.

Bye for now.